Relocation, Reinvention: All the Possibilities of Ourselves

Updated: Nov 2, 2021

Quitting my job (2009), moving to Paris (2010), quitting my job again and going back to school (2011), applying to graduate school (2014), cancelling my wedding (2019) etc. all those were very scary moments in my life. I’m someone who embraces change, so these moments never felt like taking a risk.

But this past summer, I was caught off guard by the feelings that arose preparing to and relocating from NY to MN to start my new job. It was probably the most difficult thing I ever had to do. It felt like nothing was going my way and I was losing something; may be a part of me.

In order to relieve all the pressure from the pain that was building up, I postponed packing up my stuff till the very last week. This was simultaneously the right and wrong way to go. The delay gave me time to sift through clothes, shoes, and houseware and decide what was worth keeping (a gesture of salvaging myself), what could be given away to friends or donated to charities (a gesture of caring for others), and what had to be thrown away (a gesture of making space to grow).

I am not by any means someone who follows trends (when it comes to either my fashion or scholarship). I chase colors. That’s my MO! I couldn’t simply discard an item because it’s out of style or it’s not a staple item. All that to say, I made very intentional choices about what to bring with me on this new journey. I set rules for myself that although I couldn’t always follow gave me parameters for this reinvention project.

Rule 1 (all the goods) is a rewrite of the Marie Kondo prompt “does this item bring you joy.” Well, of course ALL my items give me joy, they are mine! For me, it was asking “How does this item bring me joy?” Sometimes, the answer was to give it to someone who will afford it a second life. I love giving clothes to friends because I know they will take good care of them.

Rule 2 (shoes and more shoes) is a failsafe strategy for buying and keeping what you bought. This is not a hoarding guide. Giving away shoes in one size is not simple, so allow me to explain. I’m a shoe addict and the only way to curb the desire for another pump is to ask myself: “are there 3 outfits already in your closet that go with it?” If yes, press checkout; if no, remove from cart. Using the same scenario when deciding what to keep, I up the ante: “are there 5 outfits already in your closet that go with them?” Be honest with yourself… if there isn’t, it’s likely they've been collecting dust.

Rule 3 (accessories anyone) is a short one; there are no rules. Bags, hats, jewelry, sunglasses, I feel, are more personal items than clothes and shoes. Even jewelry you got from an ex is sometimes worth keeping.

Rule 4 (what about the furniture) is a simple one let go what you can and want to. When preparing for this move, I got a lot of advice about selling off my bookshelves and sofa. It made sense, but not to me. The home I created in my small apartment in Syracuse kept me safe and sane. Moving to a strange new location, I knew that I’d have to recreate a space that offered the same comforts. So, I kept my green couch!

On this note, I want to recall Yen’s point that academia often demand that we go far and beyond our boundaries. It’s good to be flexible as we move through different stages in the career of life. However, we don’t want to define flexibility as the opposite opposite of rigidity. It’s rather the capacity to imagine all the possibilities of ourselves.