There’s a fine line between gauging the social situation of a room, let’s say, then adjusting in such a way so that you can participate in the conversation as opposed to trying to fit in by agreeing with everything that is being said. I think that is the difference between saying something meaningful and talking, or being fashionable and following trends. The room I’m talking about? New York City.
I needed to go to Columbia’s Morningside campus to get some employment paperwork done so it was an errand trip into the city. I wore casual beige Lululemon slacks with white tank and a navy blue sweater. Having worked at home for a most of the time, neutrals and athleisure were my uniform. Plus, when you’re often relocating, as both Mags and I mentioned in our latest posts, layer-able basics are my best friend. I got off the subway and emerged from the station’s stairs to join a bubble of energy and colors that had paled in my memory. The last time I stayed in New York (for more than a day or two) was so long ago I couldn’t even remember it. 2018, maybe? I still remember what I wore because it was that kind of outfit that stood out in your mind (i.e. Emerald green satin culottes and a sheer black feathered blouse, in case you were wondering). It was an errand visit so I didn’t have urge to dress accordingly, but I felt completely muted.
And that’s certainly one of New York’s best qualities – you can stand out, or be invisible, if you want to. It made me wonder if I even remembered what it was like to be eccentric in my fashion choices.
So much of the workplace dynamic means fitting in because you don’t want to stir trouble, but how can we redefine that so that speaking the language of the room is not to be simply accepted but to participate in a conversation? It’s what we tell our students all the time in class: being present is not the same as participating. Being back in New York City after working and living remotely reminded me of that distinct difference.
It’s likely that New York City is the exception. Not everywhere can we be as outspoken as we might see others be in this eccentric city. I went home thinking to myself, “okay, where are my yellows and greens?” because that’s my contribution to the conversation. Others might observe different conversations that they wish to partake in. The point is that we feel we can say what we wish because that city creates that safe and brave space. Even if what we say disappears into the abyss of this massive city, it would still feel like the abyss is listening to what you have to say.
This is the feeling I hope everyone gets to have. I hope everyone experiences that same reminder as I did, redefining the meaning of the expression “walk the walk and talk the talk.” It’s not just about faking it until you make it, it’s about being attuned to what you want to say amidst an ongoing conversation. (I hate to say it, but think: literature review). Oftentimes we are code-switching from context to context, changing the language we speak to our comportment with others because we feel we have no choice, or that we have to pretend. We feel the context calls us to be quiet and just do the motion. But there is a conversation for each and every one of us to join or to start, we just have to ask ourselves what it is we wish to say.
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